‘Ewww! She loves herself, doesn’t she!?’

was a frequent snipe from other girls in secondary school. We’d all say it to each other, because we believed that loving yourself meant ‘being vain’, having a ‘massive ego’, or just generally thinking we were better than everyone else. At my strict Catholic convent school, such ‘prideful’ behaviour was frowned upon!

As a woman, I remember walking past a group of men and overhearing,

‘She’s fit’

‘Yeah, she knows it, though’

What's wrong with 'knowing it'?? How many of us women were brought up to seek approval for men, but not be allowed to believe it??

Little did I know that loving yourself is the secret to getting everything you want in life

Put another way, loving yourself is like being on your own team, instead of the frenemy with their foot stuck out, ready to trip you up.

But so often – the experiences we had, and lessons we learned growing up combine to create an inner version of ourselves that is constantly there with arms folded, and nose in the air, judging the fuck out of us.

We hear that voice in our heads all the time and it seems to know exactly what to say to make us curl up with shame or fear (because, of course, it’s US!).

That voice kills our confidence…and steals our joy

I get why it’s there, our unconscious mind has listened every time we were told not to get ‘too big for our boots’ and it’s trying to keep us safe from further external criticism, not appreciating that the internal criticism it constantly pecks us with is ruining our lives.

Think about the worst boss/ partner/ friend you ever had - did their presence in your life make it easier or harder to succeed?

What about that inspirational teacher, or supportive lover? How good were you able to feel about yourself, and what were you able to achieve with them in your corner?

So now do you see why this matters?

The good news is that if our own worst enemy is us, it means we can do something about it

(rather than if Kev in Accounts was our worst enemy, difficult to deal with if you don’t have a black belt in kick-boxing and verbal put-downs).

But HOW do we turn our inner enemy into our biggest fan? Well, I promise it’s totally possible, and sorting your self-talk is a great place to start.

As luck would have it, I’ve got a fab little course to help you explore this for free and loads of tips to help you sort this out. All you need to do is click here.