It’s the summer! The schools have closed and it’s time to hit the beach! Hm – so far, the act of actually going on holiday seems pretty stressful, with all the problems at the airports and ferry terminals. But it’s summer! Time for everyone to kick back and chill. Everyone? What about mums who now have numerous small children to entertain for a full 6 weeks, whilst holding down a job – are we ‘everyone?’ But it’s summer! Keep it simple, have a staycation, take the kids to Alton Towers or Center Parcs, or buy a hot tub for your garden. Er what? Do you know how much that stuff costs?

Even in the most organised and well-off households, the summer school hols are not normally a time for R&R. Thing is though, we really do need it, we have to have some down time, some time to just stop and recharge. The plain biological facts are that if you don’t rest when you need it, your body will force the issue and you’ll end up on your back with the lurgi. Executive burn-out is sexy, but not when you’ve got bills to pay and the washing is mounting up. It’s easier said than done though isn’t it? Candlelit bath? Not so easy with the kids coming in and out for wees and their toys falling into the water and getting trapped under your bum. Lazing in the sunny back garden? This is the time when the kids see you sitting still and suddenly decide it’s time to play, or for your teens to unburden themselves to you about their complicated and stressful friendship problems. Yoga and meditation? with next door’s mower going, and the bloke on the other side using that circular saw?

So how do we actually do it then? In light of all the time and money issues, how do we actually experience restful, relaxed feelings on a regular basis that help keep us in balance with the stresses of our everyday life?

Have you heard these phrases ‘I’m having a cheeky glass of wine’, ‘I’m binge-watching Netflix’, ‘I found these shoes on a naughty shopping spree’, ‘I had a lazy morning in bed’? Do you notice how these nice things to do are described in negative terms, as if you are somehow morally-bankrupt for selfishly indulging in them? How often have you been in the middle of one of these activities you’re supposed to be enjoying and felt strangely guilty? There’s a nasty, puritanical element to capitalism that just wants us to be working all the time, we’re not allowed to down tools and enjoy ourselves. Why does the phrase ‘guilty pleasures’ even exist? Can’t we just have pleasures? There are many of us who are taking the messages about self-care seriously, but feeling guilty when we do self-care and guilty when we don’t, because we know that if we were really winning at life we’d have the balance right all the time. What a ridiculous situation.

There is an answer to this though – permission. The difference between drinking a glass of wine and feeling guilty, and drinking a glass of wine and finding it a thoroughly joyous experience is simply the thoughts in our head, how we’re judging the activity. What if you had permission to fully enjoy that glass of wine in the evening? Or even 3 glasses? What if you had permission to luxuriate in bed for an extra hour one morning? What if you had permission to buy yourself something nice, just because you’re lovely, and you deserve nice things? Changing how we feel about the few nice things we get to do every day, really enjoying them, will allow us that rest and relaxation, bringing us the balance we need.

OK – so how do I get this permission then? Who will give it to me? YOU! You’re a grown-up, you write permission slips for school all day long. At work and raising kids, you are always giving and withholding permission, and you expect it to be abided by. You are an awesome permission-giver, so start giving it to yourself. Giving yourself permission means you don’t have to balance candles amid all the lego round the bath, it just means you can earmark everyday nice activities as a gift to yourself and feel good about it. If your own word to yourself isn’t good enough, write yourself a slip, in fact write down for each week permission for something nice each day – make a star chart and stick it on the fridge! The kids have one, and they are rewarded and made a fuss of – why not you?

I just came back from a week’s holiday in Spain, it was deeply relaxing and huge fun, I’m rested and ready for anything. I could have spent the holiday worrying that I couldn’t really afford it, I could have spent the time feeling guilty about my business and doing some work, and then feel guilty when the kids spotted me and felt like I preferred it to hanging out with them. But, I didn’t feel any of those bad things! At the bottom of my suitcase was the permission slip I’d put in there whilst packing, it reads: ‘I love you, I see you are exhausted. I give you permission to drink cava and spend as much time as you like on a sun lounger, listening to crime fiction on Audible – love Beth x’