So why do I no longer wish to smash the patriarchy? Well, for a kick-off, there are women already doing that much better than me. @monaeltahawy for example, is a wonderful, unequivocal clarion call, reminding us that gender inequality is still very real and very damaging in the world. If you call yourself a feminist (you too, guys!), please follow and support Mona in any way you can.

I feel now that phrases like ‘smash the patriarchy’, and ‘battle of the sexes’ are framing the situation using the limiting language of the very construct I have wished to destroy. Do there need to be 2 opposing sides? Does one thing need to be destroyed for another to flourish? This is black and white thinking, a scarcity mind-set, which stops us from moving forward on this issue. What if, instead of destroying, we could create? What if, rather than banning some concepts, we added new ones to the conversation? The universe is abundant and so nothing needs to ‘give way’ to anything else – all things can exist side by side.

My NLP trainer, Ewan Mochrie is one of the most respected in the world, but what is really amazing about his training programme is the personal philosophy he adds, a suggestion of how NLP might be used to help Humanity move forward*. He says that one of things that needs to happen as a matter of urgency, is a rise in female energy to balance with the male energy that has predominated for so long. Ewan is dead right – it’s about balance, about yin and yang.

The way I see it, The Patriarchy and the ideas and actions that exist within its framework have absolutely helped us to develop our world, and many of us enjoy great wealth and comfort as a result. It’s a feast laid out for us to enjoy. But let’s say this feast is purely traditional British food. Some of that food is too fatty for the arteries, too sugary for our teeth. What if we added some new dishes to the feast? What if there were vegetarian, low-carb and world-cuisine options? There would be something for everyone and we could all mix and match. 

Things like meditation, yoga, reiki, hypnotherapy, empathy, and homeopathy are all traditionally seen as ‘female’ areas of expertise, yet we know that all of us can benefit from them. The Patriarchy favours the material world, tangible, measurable things, buildings, wealth, success. Our education system is aimed at achieving and mastering the material world. But we are currently operating with only one eye. Through the patriarchal perspective we can see only part of the picture, and it lacks depth. We need the female eye, also, to see it all, we need to have both male and female skills and understandings to have the vision we need to move us forward as a species.

I’ve gained so much insight recently through my work as The Change Coach, and through my relationships with the many inspirational women and men I’m lucky enough to know. I see now that positive change can be made by adding female energy, expertise and experience into mainstream culture more effectively. This is already going on in many excellent organisations, so when I think about the difference I can make as an individual, I realise that I want to focus my work with women more around helping them step into their full power and do things their way, instead of thinking they have to adopt traditionally male behaviours to succeed. I want to help women work out ways to channel their female energy effectively on a daily basis, in a world that is heavily skewed against and often resistant to the concepts of female power, and female wisdom. I want to help women be role models for the ‘female’ way of doing things, so that everyone around them, of whatever gender, can both benefit and learn from their example. More deeply, I want to explore with women (and men) the concept that they are invited to partake of any dish at the feast, and that they can access all ideas and tools, without them ‘belonging’ to a particular gender. I’ll write more soon on how these insights will shape my coaching practice - but this mind-set shift is a big one for me. Instead of wasting much of my energy trying to destroy, I can use all my energy to create. I’m no longer looking to smash and defeat, I’m now looking to bring another dish to the table.